On a Pale Broomstick
by Hamm On Wry
Summary: Following his fifth year and Sirius’ death, the abuse at the Dursley’s ratchets up until Harry is no longer able to bear the burden and decides to end it all. As usual, the Potter factor makes for a grand screw-up. HP/LL Xover Incarnations of Immortality
1. Death, Potter Style

_Disclaimer: I own neither J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, nor Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality Series. On the other hand, I do own the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the immortal souls of all of you unwitting minions who have ever eaten deluxe mixed nuts! Bwahahaha!_

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

_A/N: My daughter, Sue the Squirrel, wrote this first chapter, then lost interest in it. I am posting it here and will be writing more of it myself. It will, if I can prod her enough, be a joint effort. Since she is home schooled, I am making it part of her English assignment. How is that for EVIL?_

_Summary: Following his fifth year and Sirius' death, the abuse at the Dursley's ratchets up until Harry is no longer able to bear the burden and decides to end it all. As usual, the Potter factor makes for a grand screw-up._

**On a Pale Broomstick**

**Chapter 1**

**Fate Denied**

The ride home was stifling. Harry, from the back seat, watched in the centre mirror that showed Vernon's rapidly purpling face. He was glad he had not relegated his wand to his trunk, but rather had it inside his trousers alongside his leg. He might have to use it to defend his own life. In the next second, he thought; '_Why should I? It might even be better that way. I have been the cause of so much death and destruction, the world might very well be better of if I was not here. I was the cause of my parent's deaths, indirectly the cause of the Longbottoms being tortured into insanity, Cedric and Sirius died because of me, now almost every friend I have is injured because of my stupidity. They will probably never forgive me!"_

These thoughts lasted until they pulled into the drive at 4 Privet Drive, Vernon smashing on the brakes and slamming the auto into Park. He turned in his seat to glare at Harry.

"Get your trunk out of the boot and get inside… NOW!"

Vernon hit the boot latch and stormed out of the car, cursing under his breath. Harry meekly went around to the back and pulled his trunk from the boot and headed inside. No sooner did the door close than Vernon's meaty fist slam into the side of his head, knocking him across the room, where Dudley was waiting with a fist of his own. Harry had no opportunity to draw his wand; it would not have done any good anywaysince his glasses had been knocked off his face and the world was out of focus. He did not see Vernon open the cupboard door under the stairs and throw his trunk inside, locking it with a sturdy padlock.

"I'll show those freaks not to threaten normal people! Boy, your summer is going to be filled with more pain than you have ever had! The menu you will eat from will have a beating for every bite of food, and a good thrashing for dessert. You will also write the letter every three days telling them that you are fine. The first time that you displease me, I will burn your stick, the second time, your ruddy bird dies, if there is a third, you will die, understand?"

Harry nodded his head; he deserved no less. He would not cross Vernon; Hedwig could not be made a victim. He thought about telling her to fly to the Weasley's and stay there; that way Vernon could not take his ire out on her. Dragging Hedwig's cage to his room, he fell inside and heard the door slam and lock behind him. The locks turned back and the door opened once again. He could not see anything more than a vague shape, but from the size, he could tell it was his aunt. A second later, his glasses bounced off the side of his head and a sneering voice spoke.

"You'll need these to see to write your letter. By the time your freak school starts, my Vernon will either beat the _magic_ out of you or kill you. It's no more than you deserve." The door slammed and locked again with the sound of a prison cell door.

Putting his glasses on his face, he groaned as he realized that the lenses were fractured, making it seem as if he had the vision of an insect. Harry stood and put Hedwig's cage on his small table. Opening the door of the cage, he coaxed his first real friend out of the cage onto his wrist.

Taking her over to the window, he told her; "Girl, I need you to fly to Hermione's and stay there for the summer. Don't come back here or Vernon will kill you. When he finds out that my wand is not in my trunk, you will be his next target. I will just have to send my letters with whatever minder Dumbledore has stationed here." Hedwig gave a mournful hoot and slipped through the bars on the window. Harry watched as she flew away; at least she would be alive at the end of the summer.

Sitting on his bed, Harry fell deeper into depression. He _knew_ he was not going to survive the summer; his aunt had pretty much verified that fact when she tossed his glasses into the room. He wondered how they planned to hide his body so the wizarding world would be fooled into thinking he had run away or something. He snorted; they probably had not thought that far ahead.

Thinking back to the scene in Dumbledore's office, he realized that it didn't matter to Dumbledore whether he lived or died anyway, as long as he took down Voldemort. Dumbledore had been keeping him weak and untrained while setting up situations where he jumped through hoops, going up against Voldemort, or a weakened version since year one. Dumbledore was shaping him into a murderer who would have no regard for his own welfare. The more he thought about his life, the more depressed he got. Not only did Dumbledore place him with the Dursleys, a more immediate threat than Voldemort himself, but he kept forcing him back there every summer. He realized at that point that even his friendship with the Weasleys had been planned; what witch who not only went to Hogwarts herself, but had sent five children there would be speaking about muggles on a crowded train platform, much less be asking her children if Platform 9 ¾ was the proper platform. This realization that Molly Weasley, a woman he regarded as a surrogate mother was part of the manipulation all along sent him further into a downward spiral.

It was at that point, Harry broke. Without even really realizing it, he had made a decision, one that would have far reaching consequences for both worlds. At once, he was at peace, no more manipulations, no more pain. He took his wand and placed it to his head. He had no illusion he could do the killing curse, it took more than he had. The Reductor curse, however, was well within his capabilities. It would have the added benefit of making a mess that Petunia would have a hard time getting rid of. Since he was looking down at the floor, he did not notice the black robed, skeleton faced figure slip into his room carrying a scythe. He began the incantation, "_**REDU.." **_while looking up. He saw the figure, but with his shattered glasses it appeared to be a Death Eater. In shock, he swung his wand around while finishing the incantation: "_**CTO!" **_A beam shot out of his wand, hitting the figure in the face, blowing its head apart.

Harry Potter had just killed Death.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Albus Dumbledore smiled as he put the last of the repaired instruments back on his desk. The oddly shaped instruments were his means of monitoring the second most dangerous person in the wizarding world, Harry Potter. The child, in Albus' mind, ranked right below Tom Riddle as a threat, not because he had any dark ambitions, but because if allowed to survive the upcoming battle with Tom, he could replace Albus as the most beloved wizard in the world. This, of course, could not be allowed to happen. He would guide Harry through the process of destroying Tom's Horcruxes, and then give Harry the tools he needed to kill Tom, but not enough for Harry to survive. It was a good plan, one he had spent years shaping.

A high screech from one of the instruments made him jerk his head up in shock. The object in question was designed to monitor Harry's well being. The screeching and shaking the instrument was doing equated to a wizarding clock reading "_Mortal Peril_". He gasped a second later as the instrument gave a last, violent shake, then fell apart. Albus jumped up from his chair, crossed to the fireplace and grabbed a pinch of floo powder, throwing it into the fireplace, yelling: "Arabella Figg's House!" He stepped in and disappeared.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Harry was still staring at the now deceased figure lying on his floor when the door opened again, and a middle aged woman stepped in. She gave the figure on the floor a sad look and shook her head.

"Oh Zane," she said sadly, "Of all times, why did you leave your protection down? I know you wanted to join Luna, but you had a lot of life left." She then looked at Harry and frowned. "Young man, you have no idea how much trouble you have just caused. You had a bright future ahead of you. You were supposed to defeat Tom Riddle, put that overbearing Dumbledore in his place and go on and produce little Potters for many years. Now the Potter line is ended, the Black line is ended, Dumbledore will keep manipulating the wizarding world until Riddle destroys it. Meanwhile, there is a tangle in my tapestry that I may never get out!"

"Uh, excuse me, I am right here. I am still Harry Potter, you know. But I have no idea what you are talking about. And the other thing, just who the blazes are you?"

"I am Lachesis, the middle aspect of fate. It is my job to measure the threads of life, along with my other aspects, Clotho, who spins the threads, and Atropos, who cuts the threads." She quickly turned into a beautiful young woman, then an aged crone before shifting back to her middle aged aspect. "And you are no longer Harry Potter, he is," she said, pointing at the deceased Death. "You killed him, the rules state that you must take his place."

Harry gawked, surely this could not be happening. He was going to kill himself to prevent becoming a murderer! Now this _person_ was telling him that he had to kill for a living! He hardly heard her next words.

"Now get the uniform off him, I had Chronos stop time until I could get this straightened out. Come on, get his cloak, watch and scythe. Those are the instruments of your office."

Harry, in a daze, went to the body and began stripping the items from it. Sure enough, the body, past the ruined face, seemed to be him. His glasses fell off during the task, but he found he could now see perfectly well without them. As he gathered his new garb, he noticed that there was no blood on them. A sudden thought brought him up short.

"Who is responsible for things like prophesies?"

"That would be me. It is all part of the job of Fate."

"Somehow I thought that might be the case." Without warning, Harry hauled back and slugged Lachesis, knocking her down. "Keep your bloody hands out of my life, or whatever this is, or I will find out how much power I have over your soul! Do you have any idea the pain you have caused me my whole life, you bloody wench?"

"I guess I deserved that. I have not paid that much attention to your details, just let things take their natural course," she said, slowly getting up. Anyway, if you will put these things on, I can have Chronos restart time. You have a lot of work to do."

"And just how am I supposed to do that?"

"Oh, the watch has a countdown on it, and the bracelet has a locater for your next client. If you push the button on the right, the countdown stops, then the button on the left makes it restart. Mortis can explain the rest."

"Wait, who is Mortis?"

"Look outside your window, do you see that pale car in front of the house?" At Harry's nod, she continued. "That is Mortis. He can also turn into a horse, or any other small form of transportation that you might need." All of a sudden, Harry saw things begin to move around him, noises from downstairs. His watch beeped. "That is the signal that you are near your next client."

His watch began a countdown, it read one minute, and the hand showed the location as being in this house. He felt a shudder as the wards fell. A series of POPS announced people apparating in. Looking out the window, he saw a large group of people in black robes and white masks. He gathered up his scythe and went walked out of the room and down the stairs, Lachesis following.

The Death Eaters burst through the door, taking no notice of him. Vernon roared into the room, screaming about freaks. One Death Eater pointed his wand at Vernon and screamed, "_**Crucio!**_" Harry saw his uncle fall, screaming in pain. He began to take a step forward to curse the Death Eater, but Lachesis grabbed his arm, holding him back.

"It's not your job to stop them, just to collect any souls lost."

"Where is Potter, you filthy muggle?" the Death Eater asked, ending his curse. Vernon pointed upstairs.

"Take him and be gone, we never wanted him to begin with!" Vernon yelled.

The lead Death Eater pointed at one of his allies, then pointed up the stairs. The other Death Eater, wand drawn, ran upstairs. In the meantime, other Death Eaters searched the house, bringing back a terror stricken Petunia and Dudley back into the room with them. The Death Eater assigned to get Harry came back, his face ashen.

"Someone already got to Potter, he is up there dead with his face blown off. His wand is missing, so it couldn't be a suicide."

"Damn, the Master will not be happy, he wanted Potter for himself. You will have to be ready to answer his questions." If a mask could show pity, it would have, as the lead Death Eater looked at his fellow murderer. "Still, let's clean up." The Death Eaters pointed their wands at the Dursleys and said the fatal words, " _**Avada Kedavara!"**_ Harry's last relatives drew their last breaths. There was a series of POPS, and one of the Death Eaters announced, "Dumbledore is here with reinforcements!" This was the signal for the Death Eaters to apparate noisily out.

"What do I do now?" Harry asked.

"Go to them and take their souls. Just put your hand in their chest and get them," Lachesis told him.

As Dumbledore and crew came in the door, seeing the carnage downstairs, Tonks ran up the stairs. They never noticed Harry or Lachesis, he going to each body and, reaching in, pulled the quivering souls from each. He gently folded them up and placed them into his bag for later attention. Tonks came running downstairs, ashen faced.

"They got Harry," she cried. "It's terrible. They used a Reductor on him, he is almost unrecognizable. They also took his wand."

Albus looked like he was an extra hundred years older. All of his work for naught! He never saw Harry and Lachesis walk past him to the car at the curb. As Ministry Aurors apparated in, Lachesis gave Harry some last instructions.

"You are now Thanatos, or Death. When you decide to take a break, tell Mortis to take you home. Your home is in Purgatory, you also have accounts at Gringotts should you ever need to purchase anything. You will need to go there quickly to claim them. You might also want to decide who to leave your estate to, they will make out a will for Harry Potter and backdate it. It will be important to name an heir so the Potter name and the Black name will not die in history. The tapestry shows many hundred years of Potters and Blacks, descendants that you can never have. Come see me when you are done and I will explain what I can about your job."

Harry nodded grimly. He had an idea what would happen next, Neville Longbottom was the other person who could have fit the prophesy; no doubt Dumbledore would turn his manipulations upon him. He looked at the controls of the car, but seeing no key, spoke. "Mortis, head to Diagon Alley, quickly." The car started, and with no input from Harry, headed toward the Leaky Cauldron.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

It was strange going into the Alley as Thanatos. Tom took no notice of him as he passed through, although people at tables he passed seemed to gather their cloaks around themselves as if they could feel the chill of death as he walked by. Approaching the brick wall that separated the Leaky Cauldron from Diagon Alley, he started to pull out his wand, but the wall melted away at his approach. Stepping through, he hurried to Gringotts.

Entering the bank, he stepped up to a teller goblin. The goblin looked up and gave a small shudder, then nervously smiled.

"Welcome Thanatos to Gringotts. How may I serve you?"

Harry was floored. Where were the sneering goblins he had done business with for so long? He cleared his throat and spoke. "I am the new Thanatos, I need to get a backdated will."

"Certainly sir. Bloodeye!" he called, motioning another goblin. "Take Thanatos to the estate department."

Harry followed the goblin to a highly polished oak door with a plaque reading 'Estates and Probates'. Stepping through, he chuckled as he saw that the goblin behind the desk was the first goblin with whom he ever had contact, Griphook.

"Hello Griphook, it seems you finally got a promotion." Griphook looked up and, seeing Harry in front of him, shuddered.

"Hello Thanatos, is it my time? I heard that is the only way you take notice of our names. How am I to die?"

"Relax, I know your name because you have served me in the past." Harry pulled back his hood and willed Griphook to see his features.

"Mr. Potter! I see I am not the only one to get a promotion." Pulling parchments from his desk, he asked, "The usual Thanatos replacement set? Backdated will and heir assignments? I see that you will also be required to assign an heir to the House of Black." Griphook was gushing, nervously trying to not show just how rattled he was, after all, it was not every day that Death came for an office visit.

"Griphook! Please settle down. I don't even know if goblins are in my job description."

"Oh, that's right. We have our own Thanatos, known as _Dasheille._ It's just that your aspect and his have been known to substitute for each other occasionally when one is too busy. Alright, according to Sirius Black's will, you were named as his sole Heir. He left his title of Lord Black, his Wizengamot seat, and all his assets to you. If you do not name an Heir, it goes to Draco Malfoy since he would have been next in line."

"Gads, I can't have that, it would just end up being funneled to Voldemort. Okay, I want to name as Heir to the Black name and fortune, George Weasley. As Heir to the Potter fortune and name, Fred Weasley. I would like 25 percent of the liquid assets of both estates to be split evenly between Ron and Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood. Another 25 percent of the assets are to be taken and put in the Thanatos vault with receipts showing an anonymous transfer dated yesterday. That will make sure that I have whatever I need. I don't know if Ron and Ginny were in on Dumbledore's manipulations, but they stood with me in the Department of Mysteries. I am naming Fred and George my main heirs just to upset everyone that has ticked me off."

Griphook grinned, all of his former nervousness gone. He had heard of the twins, and heartily agreed with Thanatos' assessment. "It will be done, sir. All I need is your signature and a drop of blood. The five minor bequests will still be in the six figure range and you have just financed the office of Thanatos for at least a millennium. I will also put in a codicil that anyone who challenges the wills gets nothing. I would suggest that you leave at least one galleon to any other possible heirs, that way they cannot say that you mistakenly left them out."

Harry nodded, "One other thing, backdate a transfer from the trust vault. I want everything in there split between the Black and Potter vaults with the exception of one knut. Then leave the contents of the trust vault to Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix. Make sure that he has to pay a fee before he can claim it. Hopefully a large fee. I want him to know just how much I despise him."

This time Griphook gave a full throated roar of roar of approval. "Do you want to leave a personal note inside the vault? It can be arranged."

Harry grinned. "Great idea, do you have any parchment?"

Griphook retrieved the parchment and a quill and handed them to Harry. He scratched a quick note down, then handed them to Griphook, who rolled the parchment up and tied it with a ribbon. Harry also wrote out personal notes to be included in the will for his friends, as well as making a few notes as to the disposition of his personal items. The will was quickly finished and handed to Harry for his signature and blood seal. As Harry stood up and shook hands with Griphook, the goblin said: "May I have died of old age and turned to dust a millennium before your successor comes in to make out his will."

"Thanks Griphook, May your gold flow like water and your clan grind your enemies under foot for countless generations."

Harry gathered his robes and scythe and headed out to Mortis. Climbing in, he thought for a moment. "Mortis, Lachesis said that you could change forms, can you turn into a broomstick?"

A screen in the middle of the dashboard blinked the words, "Of course," then the car changed form into a pale white racing broom. Mounting it, Harry said: "Home, Mortis."

The broom took off with a dazzling speed. Had anyone on Charing Cross Road noticed, they would have heard a yell of… "Whoopee!"

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

AN: This is my first fanfiction, please be gentle with me, I'm only thirteen. For misspellings and grammer problems, blame my dad, Hamm On Wry. He beta'd this story.


	2. New Guy on the Job

**On a Pale Broomstick**

**Chapter 2**

**New Guy on the Job**

_Purgatory_

_REALLY Unplottable Location_

It was a week into his new job, and Harry was beginning to settle in well. He had found another magical item in Thanatos's cloak, a clip-on style ear ring, which translated the languages spoken around him, both incoming and outgoing. He hesitated putting it on at first, I mean really, a single earring...That was just so...gay! He quickly realized though, that no one other than people he had business with even saw what he looked like, and those people only saw the aspect of his office.

Harry had been taken by Mortis to a grand mansion that looked for all the world like a funeral home. He had pushed a button on Mortis that was shaped like a horse's head, causing a transformation in the broomstick into a beautiful pale steed. Harry took the tack off the animal and let him go graze on the lush grass around the mansion, then headed inside. A butler met him at the door.

"Welcome back, sir", the man said as he took his cloak.

"You do know that I'm not the same guy who held this office prior to today, don't you?"

"Yes sir, we serve the office, not the man. Can I get you anything?"

"Do you have any cold butterbeer?"

"I believe so, although it has been quite a while since a wizard held this particular office. " A few minutes later, as Harry was sitting back into a nice leather recliner and turning on the television, the butler came back with a freezing cold butterbeer and some biscuits on a tray.

The telly was playing a newscast, a non memorable brunette woman sitting in the anchor chair. "In other news, the office of Death was transferred in the usual manner today. Viewers may remember that the previous officeholder, working in close association with other Incarnations, foiled several plots by the Unnamed One over the years. Our cameras were at Heaven when the previous Thanatos arrived to be greeted by his longtime consort, Luna Kaftan, who died of cancer after fighting the schemes of Hell for several years." The scene showed a youthful looking man being embraced by a beautiful blond haired woman, with a host of people cheering in the background.

This really was personalized news! The anchor continued, "We went to Hell to get their reaction, however they refused to comment." The camera shot showed a group of demons sneering and making rude gestures while several damned souls were giving discrete 'thumbs up' signs.

"In Thanato's many years in office, he only failed in collecting one soul, a wizard named Tom Riddle, the self styled Lord Voldemort, then only because that wizard had taken the extraordinary measure of splitting his soul in several parts and hiding the pieces to anchor himself to the earthly plane. In an ironic twist, one Harry Potter, a teenager who, at one year old, caused Riddle to be cast from his body for thirteen years, and who's blood was used to give Riddle a new body, is the very person who has assumed the office of Thanatos. You may remember that Potter was prophesied to be the one to finally defeat Riddle. We asked the three aspects of Fate what this meant for the prophesy. Two of the aspects refused to comment, and the third was nursing a bruised jaw. We did hear her mumble something about, "Bloody angsty teenagers".

"I don't care what they say," mused Harry, "It felt damned good."

"As it should. Do you have any idea how many times I would have liked to have knocked that nosy old bitty on her ass?" Harry looked up in shock at the telly. There was a handsome blond haired man on the telly smirking at him. The man brought up his fist in an uppercut motion. "To the moon, Alice!"

"What the...."

The man gave a wide smile. "How rude of me, I should have introduced myself. My name is Parry, and I just want to congratulate you on your new office."

"Congratulate? I think its bloody awful! I had to kill my predecessor to assume the office. Now I am going to have to spend however long I have in office killing people. I have the souls of my only relatives in a bloody sack with no idea what I should do with them!"

"Whoa there cowboy, one step at a time. Sure, you killed your predecessor, but it beats the alternative. Had you not, it would be you they were burying instead of Zane. I'm really surprised that he came for you in the first place; you should have been an automatic entry into Heaven. Thanatos is only supposed to collect souls in balance. Out of balance souls, either good or evil, should go to their destinations without help."

"Would the fact that I was committing suicide make a difference?"

"That would do it. In your culture, suicide is considered self murder, a heinous sin. Add to that the unwitting part you played in your godfather's death, and that would be enough to send you into a balanced state. Now, as far as the three souls in your bag, I would say that at least two of them, and possibly all three will end up with me."

"With you? That would mean that you are..."

"That's correct." Harry suddenly saw a small set of horns come out of Parry's head, and his complexion reddened."

"You're the bloody Devil! Satan!"

"Don't get so fired up, as it were. I'm just a guy doing a job, same as you. We even work with many of the same people. Anyway, if you will calm down, I'll show you what you need to do with those souls. I have been around for several centuries and have known many of your predecessors. See that large cabinet against the wall?"

As Harry pointed to the cabinet in question, Parry nodded. "That is your supply cabinet. You have one here and one in the main office. You should also have some spare equipment in Mortis' glove box. Now Zane had a pair of jewels that measured sin and goodness, but recently the Purgatory Labs came out with an electronic balance scale. Check your bag, it looks like a dope scale, not that you would recognize one of those."

"I believe I would, my cousin used them frequently."

"Ah, a pusher on top of everything else?"

"No, he just didn't want to get ripped off by his herb being light. Ah, here it is." Harry pulled the scale out of his bag along with one of the souls.

"All right now. First you need to zero the scale. That is done by pushing the blue button and holding it until the readout has four zeros on it. Got it? Good, now, place the soul on the scale."

Harry did so, and the readout read:

VERNON DURSLEY

-776

"You should have never been called for this one. I'm guessing that you took either his or your aunt's soul first." At Harry's nod, he continued. "That explains it. When you assumed office, no souls could leave naturally until you took the client you were assigned, probably your cousin. Had you taken his first, the others would have left by your ambient will."

"So what do I do with it?"

"With an evil level that deep, you can just drop it and it will make its way to me, but if you want see his face when he realizes just how much trouble he is in, you can deliver him personally. Being an Incarnation, with a balanced soul, one foot in heaven and one in hell, you can visit safely."

"Hmm, let me sort out the others while I think about it." Harry took the next soul and placed it on the scale. It read:

PETUNIA DURSLEY

-1095

"Oh my, she was a naughty girl." Satan looked at a computer screen off to the side and punched in some data. "Here we are, Petunia Dursley, nee Evans. Slander, jealousy, betrayal, lying, theft, child abuse, neglect... She makes her husband look like a saint. He was just mean and stupid, she planned all of this. If you want to slam dunk her, be my guest, but I think you will find it much more satisfying to deliver them personally and see their assignments."

"I'm still thinking about it."

Harry put his aunt's soul aside and pulled out Dudley's. He zeroed the scale again and placed the soul on the scale. It read:

DUDLEY DURSLEY

-25

"Looks like we have three for three. That last one was close, but..." Satan looked back at his monitor, "Ah, it looks like slipping that girl the GHB in her drink and sodomizing her while she was unconscious did the trick. If he hadn't done that, he would either be getting into heaven by the skin of his teeth or winding up serving as staff in Purgatory a few centuries until redemption. Don't worry, he'll have a long time here to adjust his attitude. Have you decided yet?"

"Did you say I could also visit Heaven?"

"Sure can, just have Mortis take you there in his horse form. Visiting the two planes is only possible while your soul is in balance. That's why Zane couldn't visit his consort, Luna Kaftan when she passed, his soul had gone out of balance by that time. Why do you ask?"

Harry got an evil grin on his face, and for a moment Parry thought Harry might have assumed the wrong office. He quickly thought better of it when he heard Harry's explanation. "I'm going to take her right to the gates and have my mum meet us there. Petunia can see just what she is going to be missing, and my mum can give her a piece of her mind. I'll let her see my true face, then pack her back up and drop her off to you."

Parry winced, "Hey kid, if you go looking for a different gig, just remember that I'm perfectly happy where I am at. By the way, for your normal clients, once you weigh them, you will see a bunch of rolls of tape in your box along with weights and balloons. Those on the minus side, tape them to a rock and let it go, the plus side souls, hook them to a balloon and cut them loose. Pretty much low tech, but it works. On a different subject, if you have a minute, I was wondering if I could speak with you about a bit of unfinished business?"

"Unfinished business?"

"Yes, Tom Riddle."

"Not my problem anymore. My predecessor should have taken care of him, but Fate is just going to have to figure out some other sucker to throw in front of him. When that happens, I shouldn't even see him; ambient will should deliver him to you. Besides that, why should I help you? The newscaster was telling about how my predecessor and his consort foiled a lot of your plans. The last thing I want to do is end up in Hell when my job here is done."

"Harry... may I call you Harry?" At Harry's nod, Parry continued. "Enlightened self interest. Barring what I could do for you, and might I say that could be quite a bit, there is the little problem of what Riddle will do to the people you love who you left behind. You know they will be in his sights. Just because you are 'dead'," Satan made the little quotation marks with his fingers, "That doesn't mean he is going to give them a pass. There is also the matter of revenge. He cost you your parents, godfather, and at least one friend."

"Uh huh, and just what is your interest in him? You will end up with him sooner or later; why are you so eager to have me hurry up the process?"

"Once again, enlightened self interest. Let me tell you a little story. You know how your office is transferred, do you have any idea how mine is?" At Harry's head shake, Satan continued. "I can be attacked, or give the office up myself. I attacked the previous holder, Lucifer, to save my demoness lover Lileth. I was one of the few wizards, although I was called a sorcerer then, to hold this office. My wife and I were attacked by Christian witch hunters and she was killed. I was a multiple animagus, and escaped in my bird form. Vowing revenge, I decided to hide in plain sight, and so joined a Franciscan monastery. I then heard of a new order, the Dominicans, formed to root out heresy, so I joined them in order to destroy them from within. I became a feared Inquisitor, but when I broke my vow of celibacy, Lucifer sent Lileth to corrupt me. However, because of my love for Lileth, I corrupted the Inquisition itself. Lucifer attacked Lileth in retaliation, and I attacked him, but it mortally wounded me. Lileth convinced me to claim Lucifer's office before the office would seek out the most evil person available. I did so, and have held the office since that time, although I lost it for a short time when I married Gaia and sang a hymn at our wedding. I was thrown out of office to become a damned soul, and the office went to a truly evil person, a child rapist and murderer. I defeated him and reclaimed the office."

"Yes Harry, I am evil, but I am also fair. I am also pragmatic, I don't do things just for evil's sake. I have reached an understanding with the other Incarnations, I just want fewer mistakes made; evildoers belong with me, good people should go to Heaven. There have been mistakes made in the past, I don't want any in the future. Tom Riddle is a threat for two reasons. He is evil enough that he could actually replace me, and even if he doesn't, he could bring about the end of the world as we know it. If he continues on the path he is walking, the wizarding world will once again be exposed to the mundane. Should that happen, there will be a nuclear war that will destroy everything. Then you, God, and myself would be swamped. Mistakes will be made, evildoers will be in Heaven and good souls will end up in Hell. It's just the nature of the game."

"Something tells me that isn't the only thing," Harry said. "Also, how do I know you're not lying?"

"You are right to be suspicious; I am the Father of Lies after all. Don't believe me though, ask the other Incarnations. And one thing you should remember, you are not killing anyone; they are already dead, your job is to collect their souls and sort them. Even Tom Riddle; when his killing curse rebounded back when you were a toddler, it separated his soul from his body. That is death, he just cheated his way into staying earthbound, and not even as a proper ghost."

"I never thought I would be thanking Satan, but it does make it a bit easier to bear, knowing that I am not the reason they are dying. So Parry, Thank you."

Parry smiled. "It's just giving the Devil his due."

"Oh, now that was cheesy!"

**-----o0O0o-----**

The next week sped by in a blur for Harry. Being an Incarnation, he did not really suffer from hunger or thirst, but he did get fatigued. Death certainly had a busy schedule! He did plan to take a small bit of time to personally deliver his relatives to Hell, after of course, fulfilling his intention to let Lily Potter take her shots at Petunia. That was a meeting that he could have used as a patronus memory!

Harry had notified Heaven of his intention to visit from his office in Purgatory. Using the Purgatory computer, he sent a message to the Gatekeeper asking that James, Lily, Cedric and Sirius be there so he could see them before his probationary period was finished and his soul went out of balance, something which would preclude him from visiting. He then left the building, mounted Mortis, and told him to head to Heaven. An instant later, he was there.

Since Harry's relatives were damned souls, he was not allowed to actually bring them inside the gates, however he pulled Petunia from the pouch and set her on the ground, where she became corporeal. Petunia saw the gates of Heaven, with her parents and Lily on the other side, and with a self satisfied smirk, attempted to enter. Before she could touch the gate, she was thrown back about ten feet, her hand smoking with the smell of brimstone.

"Why can't I go in? Mum, Daddy, tell them to let me in!" Grandpa Evans shook his head sadly.

"Petunia, you were given a great opportunity to become one of the saints here, but you threw it away with your jealousy and bitterness. You took an innocent child and made his life a living hell. Mother and I watched and cried while you abused and neglected little Harry while at the same time ruining Dudley by never setting limits and giving the discipline that love requires. Your spoiling of Dudley is the reason that your own child is going to Hell."

Lily stepped up next to her father. "Petunia, can you honestly say that your treatment of my son was in any way good? Also ask yourself, had the circumstances been different, if you were the one who died, how do you think Dudley would have been treated by James and me? Petunia, I loved you, and still love you, but you chose your own eternity; there is no place here for you." As Petunia broke down, weeping bitterly, Harry touched her with his scythe, making her non-corporeal and gently placing her inside his pouch. He then placed the pouch on Mortis and walked inside the gates to finally receive the hugs, kisses and love he had been starved for these last 14 years.

As he looked around at his loved ones, he noticed someone missing. ""Mum, Dad, where's Sirius?"

James looked puzzled. "Padfoot? I didn't know he was dead. When did he die?"

"He fell through the Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries a few weeks ago. He was dueling Bellatrix Lestrange and she caught him with a spell that threw him back through the Veil."

Lily paled. "Son, I used to work for the DoM as an Unspeakable. The Veil is older than the Ministry and any recorded history. We never figured out what it was other than some sort of one way portal. To where, we could only speculate, but you might try investigating it at your office in Purgatory. Sirius could be in another dimension, or he could have gone back into time... we just don't know."

"And the Ministry thought it would be a good idea to shove the worst of the worst criminals through this thing, not knowing where they would end up? Gad, out of sight, out of mind? As far as going through time, I suppose I could ask Chronos; it would be a good way to meet him."

Lily took his arm. "Harry, how are you holding up?"

Harry started to give his normal response of 'I'm fine', but looking in his mother's eyes, the words died in his throat. "I'm overwhelmed, Mum. I have to shut down my emotions because of all the pain I see every day. Traffic accidents, abused kids, old people in nursing homes who have been forgotten and left to rot. Even today; I thought that bringing Petunia here would be cathartic, and in a way it was, but all I feel for her now is pity. She is going to spend eternity in Hell, and I will be delivering her."

"Harry," Grandpa Evans said, "Petunia made her own choices, she delivered herself to Hell. Had you taken Dudley, your real client, first, you would not have had to deal with Petunia or Vernon at all. In many of your cases, you are helping people, relieving them of their pain and suffering. When I found out that you were in this office, I spoke to Zane, your predecessor. Your Grandmum and I were in a traffic accident. She passed first, there was never any doubt where she was going, but I lived a pretty rough life when I was younger, so I was close to balance. Zane came for me; I was trapped under the car in terrible pain. He was kind and gentle, and he relieved my suffering. I will always be grateful for what he did for me. You son, can be the same sort of Thanatos that Zane was, a kind ender of suffering, someone who will make their last moments on Earth something not to be dreaded, but welcomed. When it does not cause pain, speak with your clients; many of them will be waiting for you with open arms. One of the men here told me how Zane arranged it so he could hear his favorite hymn before he died. He brought in a grunge rock band and a singer from a black Pentecostal church to play and sing. The nursing home this man was in was a disgrace, urine soaked clothes and people tied into wheelchairs so the staff wouldn't have to bother with them. Zane faced down the staff when they told him that music was not allowed in the building. With the police ringing the building, those drug addled musicians began to play that sacred song, the singer from that gospel church sang, and Heaven itself provided the background chorus. The musicians turned their lives around, kicked their drug habits, the singer rededicated herself, and the police began an investigation that ended up shutting that hellhole of a nursing home down. All because Death listened and went out of his way to make a suffering man's passing easier."

Charlus and Dorea Potter came up and joined the conversation. "We were killed by Death Eaters in the first war, so you never had the opportunity to have either pair of grandparents or your parents as role models," Charlus said. "Frankly, with the way you were raised, I am amazed that you grew up to be such a fine young man. John is right, try to emulate your predecessor and you will bring honor to yourself, your family, and your office."

Dorea spoke up. "I spoke with Zane this morning before you arrived. He is such a nice young man. He told me to let you know that he left a set of diaries detailing his time in office at your mansion. You need to take the time to read them so you can be aware of some of the pitfalls and not make the mistakes he did when he first became Thanatos. Use Zane as a role model and you won't be sorry."

Harry wanted to stay longer, but his watch began blinking and buzzing, reminding him that he needed to get back to work; Time waits for no man, not even Death. He got a round of hugs from everyone, passed back through Heaven's gates, and, with a last wave, mounted Mortis and galloped toward Earth, heart much lighter and with a firm resolve.

**-----o0O0o-----**

Harry decided not to deliver the Dursleys to Hell personally, he no longer had the bitterness that revenge required. When he did his next sorting of souls, he simply boxed and taped them up, tied a rock to it and let the weight carry them to their final destination. He did search the mansion and found the diaries his grandmother told him about. He dedicated at least a half hour a day to reading them, marveling at some of the schemes that Zane was drawn into. He decided to meet the other Incarnations as soon as possible.

After three very busy weeks, Harry finally got some time to query the Purgatory computer about Sirius. He logged in and a smiley face came up on the monitor.

_HOW MAY I HELP YOU TODAY, THANATOS?_

"I would like the status of Sirius Orion Black," Harry said. The computer did not require actually keying in data, it was voice interactive.

_BLACK, SIRIUS ORION: 72 PERCENT GOOD, 28 PERCENT EVIL. EXTRA CREDIT ALLOWED FOR UNEARNED SUFFERING. SCHEDULED FOR UNASSISTED ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN ON MAY 10, 2000. CURRENT STATUS: MISPLACED._

"Misplaced! How on Earth can he be misplaced?!"

_SIRIUS BLACK IS NOT ON EARTH, THEREFORE HE IS MISPLACED._

"In that case, where is he?" This machine seemed to be deliberately obtuse. The smiley face blinked.

_UNABLE TO PROCESS. CERTAIN RESPONSES CAN ATTRACT UNWANTED ATTENTION. IT IS BETTER TO STATE WHERE HE IS NOT._

"He fell through what is known as the Veil of Death in the British Ministry of Magic. Is that veil some sort of portal to another dimension?"

_THANATOS, YOU HAVE READ TOO MANY SCIENCE FICTION NOVELS. THERE ARE NO PARALLEL DIMENSIONS._

"Okay, is the veil some sort of portal through time?"

_THAT WOULD BE CHRONO'S REALM, BUT NO, THE PORTAL DOES NOT SHIFT TIME._

"Does the portal send you to a different planet?"

The smiley face began to silently laugh. _NO, BUT THAT IS A RATHER UNIQUE IDEA. THE MORTALS CAN SEARCH ALL THEY WANT, BUT THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE THAT WOULD SUPPORT LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. ONCE AGAIN THANATOS, YOU HAVE BEEN READING TOO MUCH SCIENCE FICTION._

"Well excuse me, but I am just fifteen years old, you know. I've only known I was even magical for less than five years. So that cuts down my options quite a bit. There is Earth, Purgatory, Heaven and..

_**DO NOT SAY THE NAME THANATOS! **UNWANTED ATTENTION, REMEMBER!?_

Ahh! So the computer was scared of Satan! He remembered reading about Zane's adventure with the Purgatory computer back in his early days. Harry would take a page from Zane's book and ask obliquely.

"All right, I know he is not in Heaven, and he is not on Earth. Is he somewhere in Purgatory?"

_THE PORTAL DOES NOT GO FROM EARTH TO PURGATORY_.

"Thank you, you have been most.... unhelpful." The smiley face winked at him.

_I'M HAPPY I COULD UNHELP. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED?_

"Actually, yes. I have a list of people that I want to be notified when it is their time to die so I can personally escort them."

_UNUSUAL, BUT NOT UNHEARD OF. TO SAVE YOUR TIME, GIVE THE LIST TO THE OFFICE ASSISTANT AND SHE CAN INPUT THEM. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THANATOS?_

"No, that should be it."

_VERY WELL, HAVE A NICE DAY AND COME AGAIN._

**-----o0O0o-----**

Harry left the Purgatory offices fuming. Sirius was in Hell and Parry had not mentioned it! Harry wondered why Sirius was scheduled to die in four years, but the unfairness of it all infuriated him. There was a certain evil Incarnation with whom he was about to have words!


	3. Siriusly Evil!

**On a Pale Broomstick**

**Chapter 3**

**Sirius-ly Evil**

_Riddle Estate_

_Little Hangelton_

"_**Crucio!!" **_The evil wizard Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort, You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, The Dark Lord, and somewhat disturbingly, Snookums (at least to Bellatrix Lestrange), was dishing out his usual punishment to his simpering servant, Peter Pettigrew, also known as That Rat, Wormtail, or 'You Friggin' Moron!'. He lifted the curse.

"Now Peter, do you think you can remember simple instructions next time?"

"Y-yes, Master." Even after the curse was lifted, Wormtail spasmed as if he was undergoing a seizure.

"See that you do. Dismissed!" As Peter backed out of his master's presence, Voldemort was muttering to himself. "If I've told That Friggin' Moron once, I've told him a hundred times, 'wheat germ on my yogurt, not All Bran!' Next thing you know, he'll be putting Grape Nuts on...or worse!" Spotting a junior Death Eater in the doorway, he motioned him to come in. "What is it?"

The JDE was seriously nervous. "Master, I've news about the raid on Harry Potter's home."

Voldemort cocked his head. "Let's see... Lucius was in charge of that, wasn't he?" At the JDE's frantic nod, he continued. "Is he either incapacitated or dead?"

"No Master," the lad started.

"That means that it must have gone pear shaped, seeing as Lucius sent you in here to inform me, rather than crowing about his success. He must think I am stupid. _**Lucius! Get your worthless ass in here!"**_ He waved his hand, dismissing the JDE. Lucius Malfoy ran in, sliding to a stop in front of Voldemort on his knees, kissing the Dark Lord's robes.

Ignoring Malfoy's stammered apologies, Voldemort put his finger under Lucius' chin, almost seductively purring, "Look me in the eye, Lucius. _**Legilimens!**_" He tore through Malfoy's shields like they were bog paper, seeing what Lucius had experienced in a flash. He also saw something that Malfoy did not. As someone who had been on Death's schedule in 1981, he was able to see the physical manifestation of that Incarnation. Zane had made it a point to collect Voldemort's soul, planning to deliver him personally to Satan when it was his time. By using horcruxes, Riddle was able to cheat Death, the unseen presence both in Godric's Hollow and in the chamber where the Sorcerer's Stone was supposedly being protected. Zane was on hand the next year when Harry destroyed Riddle's Diary and first horcrux. A little known fact was that partial souls cannot enter either Heaven or Hell. Since the soul is indestructible, Death would be required to collect all of Riddle's soul pieces prior to sending them onto their destination. At the present time, that first shard of Riddle's soul was in a lockbox in Thanatos' manor in Purgatory awaiting the rest of his soul.

Voldemort gave a slight shiver at the sight of his only real mortal enemy, Death, then put it out of his mind. "So Lucius, you thought to send in another to take the punishment for your failure? _**Crucio!" **_ After holding the curse for over a minute, (time flies when you're having fun) he released the quivering Pureblood. "I need to think about this, leave me," he said, dismissing Lucius. "Oh, and see that I am not disturbed."

These events rattled the Dark Lord. He had plucked the prophecy out of Potter's mind less than a day after the fiasco at the Ministry of Magic. This should have meant that only he could have killed Potter! He picked up a quill and began making some notes.

**--*o0O0o*--**

_The Quibbler_

_Diagon Alley_

_London_

Parking Mortis at the curb, Harry jumped out and blew through the doors of the Leaky Cauldron like some avenging angel. No one noticed his passage other than an old hag who's eyes opened wide before her head dropped to the table with a loud 'thunk!'. He distractedly noticed her soul dropping out of her body on an unassisted journey to her destination. "Oops," he muttered. Just bad luck for her that he was passing by when it was her scheduled time. He was steaming over the fact that Satan had been making himself unavailable when Harry wanted to find and recover Sirius. He was beginning to believe that Parry was doing it on purpose, but for the life of him, he did not know why. As much as Parry had gone on about only having guilty souls in Hell!

As he made his way to his destination, guided by his instruments, people moved out of his way, never noticing him. He had just a few minutes before he was to collect whomever was at the end of this trip. The lights quit blinking as he stepped through the entrance of _The Quibbler,_ the quirky weekly newspaper published by Odd Lovegood, Luna's father. Standing in the front office was Luna and Odd. They rose to greet him.

"Hello Thanatos," Odd said. "Don't see you, at least in person down here much. Business or pleasure?"

Before Harry could answer, Luna piped up. "Daddy, this is Harry Potter."

"The same Harry Potter who's obituary we have on the presses right now? I think we had better stop the presses and update the story. Shame really, we've made almost half a press run."

"Don't bother updating the story," Harry told them. "I am dead, at least as the world sees it. I should have died, but like so many other times, I Pottered it up and an innocent took my place. I am the new Thanatos."

"Oh my," Luna said. "And Zane was such a sweet guy. Then again, you are also. I'm sure if Zane wanted to be killed by anyone, he would have wanted it to be a nice person like you, Harry. So is one of us on your schedule, or is it merely a social call?"

"How can you be so bloody calm about this? And how do you recognize me?"

"Oh Harry, I would recognize you anywhere. But as far as being able to see and recognize Death, there could be a couple of reasons. The obvious one is that we are both about to die, making us clients. I would, however, offer another reason. Daddy and I are old friends with Thanatos. My mother was a random victim of one of the Unnamed One's plots when I was nine. She was a spell designer and one of the Horned One's imps was causing havoc in the area. He contaminated a container that my mother was using for storing pure magic, and the explosion killed her and hurt me. Zane collected Mum and got me to St. Mungo's. I would have died had he not gotten help for me. Since then he became a friend of the family. He also told us that Mum went to Heaven and has passed messages on to us from her."

"Well at least Zane can speak with your mum in Heaven now. I saw on the Purgatory News Channel the report when he entered Heaven. Quite the popular guy."

"Oh goodie!" Luna squealed. "He's with his Luna now. I know he missed her for quite a while. Knowing Death really takes the sting out of it. I am thinking that one of us must be your client, but I didn't know either of our souls were in balance."

"I'm not sure, but I did tell the Purgatory Computer to notify me when certain people were due to die, no matter what the condition of their soul. You are one of those people, Luna."

"Oh Harry, that's so nice of you! When do we go?"

"That's the thing, I don't know. I'm not sure which of you is my client, or how you are supposed to die. Just us interacting like this might have Pottered the whole thing up. I don't know for example, if you, Odd, are in balance, or if Luna is, or if it is because I asked to be notified. You may even be able to avoid dying right now. I mean, I don't see anything very dangerous around here. Do both of you feel all right? No chest pains or anything?"

Just as Odd was shaking his head, the door burst in and twin shouts of " **_Avada Kedavra!_**_" _were heard. Harry pushed Luna out of the way and stuck his scythe in front of Odd, deflecting the curse heading toward Luna's father. The other curse hit Harry directly on the forehead. Harry fell down, feeling like he had been kicked in the head. A greenish black vapor came out of his forehead, coalescing into a torn object looking somewhat like a piece of soul. Not knowing what it was, but sensing it to be important, Harry's hand shot out and captured it, placing it in his bag. Suddenly the scene froze.

"Good Heaven, kid, is there anything that you can't screw up?" a familiar voice asked. Harry turned to see Lachesis standing there with another man carrying an hourglass. This could only be Chronos. "I told you, your job is to collect the souls, not kill the containers, or save them! I had to call in a favor from Chronos here to stop this before you knot my tapestry up beyond repair! Your deflected curse ricocheted back and hit the Death Eater who sent it, killing him before his time. That and you have stopped two people from dying on schedule. Now Chronos is going to turn back time and you are going to step out of the way and DO YOUR JOB!"

"Like Hell I will!" Roared Harry.

"You called?" a new voice piped up.

"YOU?!" Lachesis and Chronos yelled.

"Yep, me," Satan said. Harry gasped at the sight of him. Parry was not the urbane looking fellow he had appeared to be when Harry had last seen him. He now had a purple Mohawk haircut, and was dressed in a clown suit with two-foot long shoes, a painted face, and a red rubber nose. The shock was too much and all three other Incarnations fell down, laughing. Satan glowered at them.

"W-w-what happened to you?" Harry asked, between laughs.

"Sirius Fricken Black happened to me!" Satan growled. "As soon as he was dumped through the Veil, he disappeared, and has been pranking my servants and me continually. And there is not a damned thing I can do about it! Hell is my Dominion, but since he still has his body and has a redeemed soul, I can't touch him. But never mind that now, what is happening here?"

Harry explained the situation, with Lachesis adding her two knuts in. He finished up his tale by refusing to take Luna or Odd. Satan looked at Lachesis, then grinned. "This is your fault, you know."

"How is it my fault?" she shrieked.

"Simple. It all goes back to Zane. Remember that he decided to save more than one life, and it was his call. Death has Dominion on whom he takes, and can actively refuse. I have decided that I am never going to stand between any Thanatos and girls named Luna! I still feel the repercussions from that fiasco."

"But Zane never actively killed anyone before their time either!"

"He still had the right. Besides, this hunk of meat," Parry kicked at the dead Death Eater, "Probably didn't have a long life expectancy anyway. He's young enough to be nothing but cannon fodder anyway. Just snip his thread and tie it on one of the others."

Lachesis brought out her tapestry. "Hmmm. Well, the good news is that he would never have procreated. Even if he had, it would not have meant much. He is not in line to inherit and doesn't have much of a life expectancy anyway. I suppose I could work with it. If Thanatos insists on being stubborn..."

"Damned right," Harry growled.

"What about me, am I still needed?" Chronos asked.

"Not really," said Parry. "But let me give you a heads up. You owe Harry here a big favor."

"Oh, why is that?"

"You have had total control of time since you took office, or at least that is what I understand."

"Yes, so?"

"About 80 years ago, some wizards found a pocket of Time Sand, the same stuff your hourglass is made of. They built time turners that go back up to a day at a time."

Chronos paled. "The havoc they can play with the time line..."

"Yep, and there isn't anything you can do about them. The pasts are unalterable, and have serious threads built in to Fate's tapestry."

"This is terrible! But what does Thanatos have to do with them?"

"Harry here, before he became Thanatos, led his friends, including this girl," Satan pointed at Luna, "into the Department of Mysteries. They had a battle with Death Eaters, during which, all time turners were destroyed and the Time Sand made unusable. It is because of him that your time in office has had no problems with mortals messing with time. It does mean that in a few weeks, your time, you will be up to your arse in time meddlers."

Chronos nodded gravely at Harry. "It does seem that I owe you a large debt. And you also, Satan, for the advance knowledge. I am surprised that I don't already know it. I just knew that there was reason for gratitude."

"I'm not surprised," said Lachesis. "It was a top secret program."

"Top Secret?!" Harry said, surprised. "Dumbledore gave my friend Hermione one during her third year! She was 13 going on 14 at the time."

"That ass!" Lachesis fumed. He has caused more knots in my tapestry than even you, Harry!"

"Speaking of knotting up things, Harry, would you please do something with Sirius Black? I don't, at this point, care what. Just get him the Hell out of Hell!"

"Sure! I was trying to get hold of you to do just that, but kept missing you."

"That is because I was running all over Hell trying to catch him!"

Chronos piped up. "Does this mean we are done here?"

The other Incarnations looked at each other and nodded. "Thank you, Chronos. I believe that we have worked out an accord." Chronos smiled and turned his hourglass, bringing time back on line and disappearing.

Odd Lovegood reached down to help Luna up from the floor as the live Death Eater burst through the door. Harry almost face-palmed himself for forgetting about him. He swung his scythe around, taking off the Death Eater's hand holding his wand. He then grabbed the Death Eater by the robes and brought him in close, letting the man see his death mask. There was the sound of liquid running down the thug's leg and hitting the floor.

"You tell Voldemort that we have business, and I will be collecting him soon," growled Harry. He shoved the Death Eater down, and the man activated his portkey and disappeared.

Luna and Odd gazed at the trio of Incarnations without blinking. "Are you guys having a convention?" Odd asked. "I mean, it's not very often that we are visited by the Fates and the Prince of Evil." He snickered. "Although it looks like you're the Clown Prince of Evil. ", he mused, "You are much scarier as a clown than your old look. Everyone knows that clowns are the epitome of evil."

"Let me see if I can fix that," said Harry. He pulled out his wand and waved it at Satan. "_Finite!" _he said, restoring him to his usual appearance.

"Thanks," muttered Satan. "I need to get back and see if Hell is still there."

"Don't forget this," Harry said, hooking out the dead Death Eater's soul and handing it over to Satan. "It will save me the postage. I'll be along as soon as I can. I've probably got quite a backlog." Satan disappeared with a pop and whiff of sulfur.

"That's my cue also," said Lachesis. "We need to get together later to talk about your two friends here," pointing at Luna and Odd. "I'm going to have to study my tapestry to find out what we are going to do with them. For now, they should go somewhere safe behind some good wards." She faded out, leaving Harry with Odd and Luna.

"Will you guys be okay?" Harry asked.

"Yes," said Odd. "We can go home; the wards will keep anyone out who means us harm."

Harry turned to leave, but was stopped by Luna. She threw her arms around him and gave him a kiss. "Harry, I don't know everything that happened in here, but thank you. Don't be a stranger. Can I walk you out to where you have Mortis?"

Harry's face lit up in a grin. "That would be great!" He offered his arm to his friend.

"I'll tag along behind you; we can floo from the Leaky Cauldron." Odd said. "And the invitation is open from me also. I can see you being as much a friend as Zane."

"Not too many people would think that having Death as a friend would be that great a thing."

"Most people are either too stupid or too afraid of Death to try," said Luna. "Daddy and I have the pleasure of knowing the man behind the office, both you and Zane. Death holds no fear from us, just knowledge that when our time has come, death will be gentle and just." They passed through the portal at the Leaky Cauldron and stopped at the floo. Odd whispered something to Luna and threw in some floo powder.

"The Rookery!" he said, and stepped into the flame.

Harry and Luna walked out the door into muggle London. Luna saw Mortis parked at the curb, jumped in and pressed the button with the horse head. Mortis morphed into his horse form, then nuzzled Luna like an old friend. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a granola bar, taking off the wrapper and offering it to the steed.

"Mortis loves these things, you know. I always keep a couple of them in case Zane comes by. Now I'll keep some for when you visit."

"I would like that, Luna. I thought I would never see any of my friends until it was time to collect them. Now I know that I still have at least one good friend."

Luna put her arms around Harry's neck and tilted her face up. Harry grinned, pulled back his hood so the mask was not visible, and gave her a tender kiss. He then climbed aboard Mortis and watched as Luna went back inside to use the floo. With a much lighter heart, he checked his watch and saw there was 10 minutes left until his next appointment.

"Well partner, I guess it's time to get to work." Mortis whinnied in agreement and launched himself into the sky.


End file.
